I don’t remember much about the time from learning about the cancer to the operation in January. I do remember my son visiting that November and going around to show him some of the things here, and trying to pack his bags with all the presents for Christmas. With 2 adults and 5 kids (at that time, lol) there was a lot to pack.
The day he went home was difficult because I could not take him to the airport, I had an appointment with the doctors at the hospital. Friends took him there but saying goodbye at the house was difficult. I have never asked what he was thinking that day, but I can imagine it was the worst thing, that we would never see each other again.
Well, time passed slowly then, but seemed fast afterwards. My surgery was scheduled for January. Christmas. New Years. Then came the date for the operation.
It was at a hospital about 45 minute drive from the house. We had friends from church helping with transportation so they came by and took us to the hospital. They had me in a room getting ready, and David was allowed to stay there with me. I remember the doctor coming in and letting me know what would happen during the operation, and about how long it would take. I had lost weight in the previous 1.5 years, so there was a lot of extra skin in the stomach area, and she said they would remove most of that also. For me, a little extra added bonus!
Still, it is difficult to describe what I was feeling at the moment. I was not afraid, more like anticipating what was happening and what would happen.
“ Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” Isaiah 41:10
These words are what went through my mind, that I was not going in there alone, God was with me, and with David and my son and family and David’s family too. I knew I would be okay, I could not have told you exactly how I knew, but I did. I had no fear, some slight tenseness, but that was all.
It’s strange to go into an operation knowing what is happening and learning to leave it all in the hands of someone else. I was the kind of person that likes to know what is going on and be able to do most of it myself, lol, was not the kind to leave it to others. Now I was learning to let go.
I do remember having the anesthesia put in my back, and then the next thing is waking up! It is such and odd feeling. No time passes, just seconds. At first you feel nothing, then as feeling comes back, there is pain. All the nurses wanted was for me to move my feet, which I could not do as the anesthesia had not worn off, so they kept turning down the amount. Boy, I could feel the pain then! but after I showed I could move my feet, they turned it back on to relieve the pain. David was feeling the pain too, even though he had not had an operation, just watching was enough.
I fell asleep finally, and woke again in my room, a shared room, but I had the window view. The first day was much a blur. tubes coming out of me all over and fluids going in. And sleep.
The next day all the work started. I had to first learn to sit up. With all the tubes in me, that was tricky. Having a bed that raised was a help. So, the first time I sat up was great, and I just at there. The nurse said that later she would help to get me up into a chair to sit.
I was not the kind of person that wants to “wait” for things. After lunch I wanted to sit up again, and this time in a chair. I knew instinctively that I would not go home until certain things happened, and getting mobile was one of those. I called the nurse and she said that later she would be able to help me. And then later came and went, and later, and then later again. The nurses changed shifts and still no one to help. I tried a couple of times alone, but could not sit up on my own. Each time I tried, the pain was too much.
I felt like screaming “HELP ME”, but in a hospital, there were others that needed more help than me, but at the time all I could think of was sitting up. Supper came and it go later and later. Since it was January, the sun had already gone down so it was relatively dark, people were going to sleep, all was getting quiet.
I started to cry because I felt alone. David was not there to help, no one came to help, and each time I tried on my own, I could not sit. Then, a voice….
“You haven’t asked me!”
And it was true. I had focused on a physical person being there to help, but God was always there. So…I asked for Him to help. I knew how to sit, knew how to hold the bars to pull up, I knew how to do this. Alone I could not, but I asked, and then…I sat up. No pain, no problems, just sat up and got in the chair. I sat there for about 2 hours, just looking outside, and thanking the one person who had always been there, just waiting for me to ask for help. When I got back into bed, no pain again, and He was still there helping.
And I could not wait to tell David and everyone who would listen just who had helped me. I knew the road ahead would be long, but I also knew that I would never be alone in the journey. Family, friends, and my Heavenly Father would always be there.
Treasures 3927 