Greener grass

I’m so tired.

I ache all over.

I feel depressed.

I really messed up.

Some of these words were said by me, some I overheard, some were said to me. These are all real feelings from people I know and love. I want to give them all a hug and tell them it will be alright, but I can’t. Distance is too great, even the 6 foot rule seems like a mile, and 1000 miles seems like the other side of the world.

Words can help. “I love you! Things will get better! Nothing is so bad that it cannot be fixed.”

But these are just words for now. Face to face is how I want to be, to talk and hold someone, to let them know that I do understand.

At one time or another, I have said all these things about myself. Most of us have. I get tired, I ache, I get depressed, and I have really messed up! That’s when I start looking at other things, as the saying goes, is there greener grass on the other side of the fence?

Fences are put up to protect what is inside. But on the other side, there are temptations calling. It can be temptation from whatever will lead you astray. For me right now, it is food. I know what I should eat, I know that what I eat should be what will keep me healthy and going, it will keep the depression away, keep me energized, keep me going the way I should.

For others it might be the draw or new toys, electronics, technology. For others, it can be more personal, another person that draws your attention, makes you think things will be better and happier with them.

I have gone through all these difficult times, and can now look back and see that the temptation was leading me to paths that were not mine.

I have a Father, Abba, Dad, that loves me. And He loves all of you too! I know because He has told me so. I have felt His arms holding me; when I was tired, depressed, aching all over, and especially when I messed up. His answer for my prayers did not always come in a timely fashion ,lol, in my time. It did come in His time, so I had to learn to wait.

I learned to pray each and every day, to ask for what I needed and sometimes for what I wanted. I learned to pray without ceasing, to just talk. To just talk to my Abba, my Father, my God. I have even learned that He listens. I learned that waiting is part of His answer most times.

After years of trying to do what I wanted, what I thought I wanted, and going the wrong way down the path of life, I learned that God will lead me home, but home ended up being back where I started! Everything I learned early in life is now here again. If I had just waited the first time around, I could have saved a lot of hurt to others and myself. If I had not given into the temptation, stayed and worked things out with others, if I had known.

IF, IF, IF! This is a word that will haunt people forever if they let it. Is the grass greener on the other side? Is life better there? It was not for me, and people were hurt, including myself. I only traded one problem, one feeling, one situation for another. Then when I looked back, I saw green grass in the home I had left, it was now the other side of the fence.

God loves us, and has the best for us, but the Devil does not want us to see it. From the time he tempted Eve in the garden, to tempting David, (the David that fought Goliath), to look at Bathsheba with desire (he even went so far as to kill to get her), to putting cupcakes at the door of every store where I shop for groceries; the Devil is looking out for ways to get us to look away from what we have to what we think we are lacking, what we think won’t hurt us, to what we think will make us happy.

Now, in my life, I know that these things are not on the greener side of the fence. I know that life has seasons, and like the beautiful fields I see, filled with flowers, grapevines and stalks of corn, I will go through times like the winter when the fields are barren, and brown. But spring comes, flowers grow, corn reaches for the sky and grapes fill the vines. So does my life. It is filled with Gods love! It never went away, He always loves me and you, He always talks to me, and to you. Sometimes we don’t hear Him as loudly, but He is alway there.

I love you, my friends and family, and God loves us all even more.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, and hymn of praise to our God.” Psalm 40:1-3a (Davids words)